


Did you fall from heaven? (or: a Daryl Dixon's guide for romantic relationships)

by chubissa



Category: The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Animal Death, Daryl Dixon & Original Male Character (previously), Drinking, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Masturbation, Not Canon Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-19 14:05:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9444611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chubissa/pseuds/chubissa
Summary: Need to find a way of telling him that I care; he doesn't even suspect it...But maybe it's for the best, 'cause loving him in secrecy doesn't hurt.





	1. Step 1

I’ve been here for almost a week now and Jesus didn’t even bring up the subject yet. Taking the matter into my own hands seems like the only way.

And _, damn, she looks so fine._

My eyes scan the ground around me. There must be something I could use to… maybe a big, heavy rock…

No, that would make too much of a mess; besides, how would I get away with it?

_Shit, If I only had my crossbow right now..._

Resting my arms on the picket fence, I watch the animal that’s a few meters away from me eat the grass and the carefully cultivated flowers of the circular garden. I observe, with eyes squinted at the sunlight, the cow chewing indifferently, like she has no idea of my intentions.

Even If I could kill it, how am I supposed to carry it, skin it and cut it without anyone noticing? Glancing back over my shoulder to the houses, I know my chances are pretty low. _Tsk._

Such a shame, this is probably the best opportunity I’ll ever have. We could roast or stew it, I’m sure Maggie would love it-

_Thump._

No, not going down there again. I shake my head.

“We’ll meet again” I murmur over my breath with a murderous look to her. Uncaring, the cow turns her head in my direction and fucking _moooo’s_ me. I show my teeth to her.

Someone enters my field of view.

“There you are!” it’s a resident from here, I recognize it. He walks to her and soothingly pets her neck. I don’t think he’s able to see me from where he stands, against the brightness of the sun “Found it, Gena!”, he exclaims to someone that’s approaching.

“Thank God” the woman reaches them with a rolled rope on one hand “…how did it get away from the stable?”

 Right, I should probably leave now.

Turning around, I start walking back to the mansion. Rick must be needing some help on talking to Gregory. Not that I would be very good at it, but

“Ey! Daryl?”

I stop, putting a hand on my brows to shadow my eyes. I squint hard to see who has appeared in front of me.

“Yeah?...”

A fist meets my face, hitting me right in the nose.

_What the fuck!_

Caught off guard, I stumble backwards, the throbbing pain numbing my senses. _What the actual fuck…?_ Vision all blurry from the tears, I can’t even fight back, I only hear some distant voice that sounds mad at me.

“ -...over him, so don’t mess with my man, you hear me!?”

The son of a bitch walks away, just like that, leaving me confused and with a bleeding nose.

_What?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my first language, so, sorry for any mistakes!   
> Comments and critics are welcome :3


	2. Step 2

The door is opened without a warning and I almost jump at sudden movement. A bad wave of flashbacks hits me, but I manage to pull it back together.

“Oh… Daryl, didn’t imagine you would be here” Jesus gets in the trailer and comes to place some stuff that must be for Maggie on the table that I’m sitting at “So,” he pulls a chair for himself by my side  “Everything’s still up for our run tomorrow?... wo- what the hell? What happened with your face?” he leans forward, puzzled and concerned about the cloth I’m firmly pressing against my nose. I pull away, looking down.

“…some crazy fucker just clocked me good out there” Jesus furrows his brows at that.

“Here? In Hilltop?” I nod “Why?” Shrugging, I lean back on the chair.

“got no clue…”  I simply answer, removing the cloth. It seems like it stopped bleeding. I scrunch my face and by the feel of it, I think nothing is broken. I shrug again.  “He just popped out of nowhere saying I messed with his man or some shit-“

Jesus snorts and gives a small smile

“Really? And you did?” he jokes, but his words put me a little on the edge.

I roll my eyes at him while playing with the bloodied cloth on my hands. Jesus starts opening some of the packages he had putted on the table.

“Got no idea who it was?”

“No…” I mumble, watching him get up to place some vegetables and fruits on the kitchen counter. A memory strikes me. “I think… shit, I think it was that fucking assistant…” Shit, what was his name?

“Who?” Jesus circles around the table to grab some hygiene products he also brought and then heads to the small bathroom while I’m trying to remember. Oh!

“The nurse! The fucking nurse that helps the doc here, I think it was him…” anger boils inside of me as I can see it clearly now that was him, the same hairstyle and face, I’m sure it was him… The little shit!

I look back at Jesus and he’s standing frozen in the middle of the trailer, shampoo and soaps still on his arms.

“Jesus?” I call at his back. _I just called him Jesus?_

 He takes some seconds before turning to face me.

“You mean… Alex?” he sounds almost like… guilty?

Now it’s my turn to furrow my brows.

“Yeah, I think that’s his name”

Jesus closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

Oh _oh_ , don’t like where this is going. When he opens them again, he eyes me seriously. Too seriously.

Jesus comes to sit by my side, placing the forgotten load on his arms back on the table. He leans over it, clasping his hands together. Not looking at me anymore, he seems a little uneasy.

Just as I’m about to speak, he looks up and opens his mouth as if to say something. But quickly closes it again, looking down at his hands, rubbing them together.

“Alright, cut the bullshit” moving closer, and forcing him to look at me, I ask: “What is it?”

“It’s…” he shakes his head “Don’t…” an exasperated sigh “God, how do I say this?... Don’t get judgmental, okay?” I just stare at him “But me and Alex… We- we were together… uhm, you know… like… like-“ he’s gesturing with his hands, looking for words.

“Like boyfriends?” I grunt. Is that what he’s trying to say?

That means he’s…?

 His eyes go wide and I can’t deny the little flutter on my chest at the thought that he might-

“Ye- yeah” he cautiously answers. I cross my arms, leaning back away from him. Jesus gulps audibly.  

“And you two broke up?” the long haired man just nods, analyzing his hands at my words “And let me guess, he still wants to be with you?” I offer.

Jesus stays quiet.

“So, now that I’m here and we’re working together… he jealous of me?” I just put two and two together.  The man sitting by my side looks at me with an apology written on his face.

“Yeah, I’m sorry-“

“And ya’ think I’m some ignorant homophobic hillbilly that wouldn’t understand it, righ’?” I snap, cutting him off.

“Wha- Daryl, no” he quickly says, taken back “You’ got it wrong, I just didn’t… didn’t want to make you uncomfortable”

“The fuck, Paul” I might be a little angry, I’ll admit it. But, hey, I was the one punched in the face “I thought you knew me better than that, why would I be-“

“Okay, okay!” he talks over me, raising his hands with open palms “I’m sorry, I was wrong, I should’ve just told you he was my ex from the start, okay? Sorry”

I sniff through my sore nose and look down, feeling a little embarrassed. I mean, it’s not like we are best friends, he doesn’t have to tell me shit if he doesn’t want to.

“I’m also sorry he punched you… Alex can be very _temperamental_ sometimes… It won’t happen again, okay? I’ll talk to him”

_Temperamental? I call it batshit crazy_

“You two should figure things out, ‘cause I don’t think he knows you two broke up” I advise, tossing my hair back.  There’s still some anger in my voice – and Jesus notices it – but, damn, I want to punch that guy back so _so_ much.

“Yeah, I know… I’m working on that” some awkward silence happens before Jesus speaks again “Uhm, just for the record, I was planning on telling you about it… that I’m gay”

_Thump thump_

_Not the time, Daryl._

“And why didn’t you?” my voice sounds heavy.

“I guess it never came up, did it?” he half smiles. _Well, now it just did_

I never thought about until now, but, shit-

Alright, this is it.

I make a last minute decision; if he asks, I’ll tell him about me too.

Christ, my palms are already sweating, I’ve never told it before to anyone, ever-

“Thank you, Daryl. For understanding.” He stares at me with pretty eyes and a relieved smile before getting back to placing the stuff around “… a lot of people around here don’t” he finishes. And as I watch him walk around, I can’t help to think about it.

I suppose I should’ve noticed that he was… How could I? I could have never imagined, not even in a million of years that

_Jesus is gay._

Maybe it’s because he’s a discreet person, you know, just like me.

Except that it has been a really long time since I was involved with anyone…

I stretch my neck to peek inside the bathroom where Jesus is organizing stuff, quietly humming a song.

_Oh, hell._

Running a hand through my hair, I let out an exasperated breath.

Well, I think I never thought about before because I didn’t even know there was a possibility of…

“I don’t have time for this shit now” I quietly tell myself so Jesus doesn’t hear “Don’t get any ideas”

“Oh” he exclaims and comes out to show me something “Look, it was in the cabinet” he’s reading the info on a small ointment tube, I guess “It’s expired, but it says is for bruising and soreness… It can do no harm trying it, right?” he playfully throws it at me and I’m quick to catch it before it falls. I eye the object in my hands, confused “… for your nose, Daryl” he explains, annoyed.

“Ah…-” I can’t think of what to say, really.

“Just so people won’t be bothering you questions” he dismisses the subject with a shrug, going back to his work.

And a part of me wants to thank him for being thoughtful… but the other part of me is thinking “ _well, I’m fucked_ ” as my eyes sting at the short gesture of caring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah… Alex is going to be a jealous ex-boyfriend on this fic, but don’t worry, it’s just to get things going for the main plot  
> Aaand, as you must have guessed by now, this is not going to be too deep on Daryl’s inner struggles. I just wanted to write something light and cute (with a tiny bit of angst, of course)   
> Also, since this is a first person pov from inside Daryl’s mind we will be seeing lots of feelings and emotions from him, *whispering* because that’s where he keeps them ;)  
> Sorry for any English mistakes!


	3. Step 3

Despite not agreeing with Rick, I can understand why he wants me to stay here at Hilltop. It’s frustrating being left in the dark about what’s going on at Alexandria or what our next move will be, still, it’s for the best. At any moment the Saviors could show up and take me back, so the less I know the better.

I’m not helping to prevent that from happening, though, sitting here in the open, on the steps of Maggie’s trailer, where anyone that comes in from that gate can spot me.

Well, guess I don’t really care anymore. Got to stop being a selfish son of a bitch, caused enough pain already for the people around me.

It’s early in the morning, not much people around yet. There’s two guys keeping guard of the gates, an elder woman feeding the chicken some houses away and I can hear a distant cry of a little kid coming from that direction. I tell you, this place may lack the _finesse_ of Alexandria, but if it was up to me to choose where we live, this would be my first choice. 

Without that asshole Gregory, that is.

I’m surprised when I see the image of Jesus walking into my field of view. What’s he doing up so early?

Holding a large basket on his arms, he gets out of the dirt path and steps onto the grass. For a moment I think he’s coming to talk to me or something, but he just smirks and nods his head as a greeting, passing by me and stopping a few meters away, at my left, at the clothes line.

No shit. The guy is not only a ninja with suicidal inclinations; he also does laundry.

I can’t help the curl of my lips as I observe him putting the basket down, and then lowering the line, making sure everything is properly set up. God, it feels weird smiling, been a very long time since I last did it…

My hand absently comes up to touch my nose. It’s still a bit sore, though the ointment had helped the bruising part; no one had noticed it at the dinner. Jesus even gave me a look at the table, as if saying “ _you’re welcome_ ”, like the smug little shit he is.

And I know I said I wasn’t going act selfish anymore, it’s just…

Since I started thinking about Jesus in _that_ way, after he said he was into boys, dealing with stuff has been so much easier. I even managed to talk to Maggie about

About Glenn.

But I don’t want to talk about this now.

Where was I?

Oh, yeah, Jesus. My eyes go back to him, who’s putting up some bed clothing now.

And yes, I may not know exactly what I want from him, but even if I did, I would still feel discouraged like I am right now. The guy simply doesn’t get it.

Hell, he doesn’t even suspect it!

I know I’m quite the “manly” type, so it’s understandable  – okay, just forget I said that. That sounded awful.

What I mean it’s that he’ll never think I’m… you know.

Unless, of course, I tell him.

Well, that ain’t happening.

Only the thought of it makes me panic and…am I blushing? Shit.

Not having much experience with this kind of stuff is a major factor on the way I’m acting. It also doesn’t help that I’ve never been the one to do the chasing, so…

 I watch the wind blow on Jesus hair.

Yeah, right, I’ll have to be the one to take the first step if I -

But what if he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me? How do I even know if he is attracted to me?

He has all the reasons not to!

Being the show off he is, he would’ve probably hinted something about it already.

I better just keep watching.

A strong blow of the wind takes one of the bed sheets he had pinned a moment ago. Jesus puts both hands to his head in an exaggerated manner, before running after it. I snort a laugh. _He’s really cute._

The wind throws it at my direction and I get up to retrieve it. A little out of breath, Jesus comes up to me.

“Thanks” he takes it from my hands, our fingers brushing for a second. My god, this feels like been a teenager all over again. He doesn’t mind my lack of response, and continues “Forgot to tell you, we’re going to have a little reunion tonight. People from Hilltop and Alexandria” he places one hand on his hip and looks back at the clothesline, admiring his work “… not supposed to tell you, but we’ve reached a decision about Negan” Jesus confides quietly, as if someone could hear it. He looks at me “Tomorrow Rick will fill you in, don’t worry”

Trying to not look at him too fondly, I thank him for telling me this. He makes no big deal of it and pats me in the shoulder before leaving.

_Thump thump thump_

-

 

It’s getting dark; I should probably go back to Hilltop. Oh man, they’re going to be so mad at me for going out without saying something.

I needed to clear my head for a bit, figure things out…  It has always been more comfortable for me in the woods.

Starting to make my way back, I search for the path that I made while going in, looking for some familiar tree or unevenness on the leaf covered ground. Should’ve brought a flashlight with me, it’s getting really dark.

Undoing the traps I’ve set, I curse under my breath at their emptiness as I walk. I was hoping to find something to bring back, it would make me feel not so useless.

 But now I’m just all sweaty, smelly and tired for no reason. _Humpf_.

Plus my shoulder started acting up-

Hold on

What’s that?

As stealthy as I can, I move to next trap, hearing sounds of what must be an animal.

It wasn’t for no reason, after all.

Oh

I think I got an idea

Maybe Jesus likes rabbits?

-

There’s voices and laughter coming out of the Barrington House when I cross the gates. You can see through the windows that all the lights are on inside. I’m kind of supposed to show up, yet this _party_ mood just sets me off.

I stop before reaching the house, not sure of what do anymore.

If I don’t get in, how am I going to give this to Jesus?

_Shit, I should’ve thought about something to say to him._

I look at the dead rabbit I’m holding in one hand, which is dripping blood on the ground. It took a while to skin and clean it, but the meat is really good, it was worth it.

_I hope he likes it like I do._

Though…

I can’t show up like this

My eyes dart for Maggie’s trailer. I could take a quick shower and come back here…

But it’s already pretty late… It would probably be over by the time I get back here, considering the amount of scrubbing I’ll need to take this blood out of my skin.

A wave of laughter and claps hits my ears.

Fuck.

I’m starting to feel real stupid standing in here, bloody rabbit in hands, smelling like shit. I swing from foot to foot, my mind suddenly bringing stuff up I haven’t even considered.

What if Jesus doesn’t like eating rabbits?

What if he’s against killing the natural wildlife?

Oh, fucking Christ

What if this feels like I’m forcing myself on him? He never gave hints that he would want anything with me, what if-

My heart drops.

What would he want with me, anyway? _What would he see in me?_

This was a stupid idea. Shaking my head, I decide to go back to sleep; fuck the rabbit flirting technique I spend hours planning.

“Daryl?”

Caught up in my thoughts, I didn’t notice Jesus coming out from the front the door.  He walks up to me.

And the son of a bitch looks gorgeous.

Wearing a white – _how’s that possible?_ – button up shirt, some dark neat jeans, with his hair clean and perfectly falling on his shoulders, he looks at me with gleaming eyes – _probably from booze_ – and a concerned expression.

“Where were you? You were gone all day long, everyone’s worried about you” he comes a little closer.

“I’m fine” I grunt, voice rough from disuse “Just out in the woods” my shoulders slump, a defensive posture “Tell them I’m fine… gonna turn in now” I motion to turn around, but-

If I don’t do it now, I know I never will do it.

It must be a sign, right? That he came to talk to me just as I was giving up?

So, this it

Now or never.

Slowly, I turn myself to face him again. I stretch my right arm out.

“… this if fo’ ya’” shit, where’s my voice? I don’t think he heard me, hell, even my heartbeats are louder than this.

Silence.

“… Sorry?” I dare to look up and a questioning eyebrow greets me.

“I said: thisisforyou!!” more loud than necessary, okay, that’s only cause this if fucking embarrassing. Jesus doesn’t want a dead animal! What have I thought? God, I’m idiot.

Still, I don’t to be rude to Jesus. I can see he’s taken back, blinking big eyes at me.

Hand still stretched out to him, I ask: “what’s that?” when I notice something glint in Jesus arms. And he, after a few moments, decides to ignore my previously lash out.

 “Oh, a gift” he shows me a bottle of wine. It looked expensive “don’t know how Alex found something like this…. I don’t really drink, anyway…”

_Goddammit._

I groan.

“But what were you saying?”

I let my hand, finally, fall down and with a pain on my heart, I murmur “never mind” and start walking to the trailer.

See, I could’ve gone to bed without that happening. And what I did? Exactly.

“Daryl, what is it, tell me…” Jesus walks after me and I stop, though not turning to face him“ is that… you brought me a rabbit?” with a gentle voice, he finally understands what’s going on.

My fist closes tight around the animal.

“I said: never mind” my words are sharp “Got your pretty boyfriend to give you gifts”

“Excuse me?!” I can tell by his voice he’s surprised my words. I’m just as well.

“You heard me!” now I turn to face him, feeling my face getting red “Go back to partying and having fun, I don’t care” I toss my hair back “I’ll be here doing the real thing while ya’ll have a good time there”

“Daryl!-“

“Someone is concerned ‘bout the fucking war we’re marching on-“

“And you think I’m not?”

“Well, what should I think of someone who steals-“

“Oh my god, you’re bringing that up now?! What’s wrong with you-“

“- can’t be trusted, has no sense –“

“Daryl, man, c’mon, what’s the point, stop this-”

“ – a fucking cow, Jesus! Just one fucking cow it’s too much to as -“

“Oh, for fucks sake!”

“Brought ya’ a gift, not good enough for ya’, apparently”

“Now who said that?! Of course I want your gift!”

“Oh, you want?”

“Yes!”

“You want?”

“I said I do, Daryl!”

“Here, take it” I take two steps and shove the dead rabbit to his chest. Turning my back to him, I start walking to the trailer. _Asshole._

“Oh, thank you – thank you so much, Daryl!” he says ironically, looking at the mess I made on his shirt. “Shit” and the last thing I hear is an amused smile on Jesus voice as he curses.

He probably thinks this was just a playful fight, and maybe it’s better to think of it as that, for the sake of our partnership.

But for Rick, who was watching the scene from a window on the second floor of the house, it wasn’t.

 


	4. Step 4

In theory, the plan was really simple. We go to the Kingdom and we convince them to fight with us.

It’s already morning and I slept terribly. After last night's argument my mood is even worse than before.

“We have no guarantee they’ll fight with us” Rick is explaining, standing at the end of the old, fancy, dinner table Gregory has here in the mansion. Everyone is eyeing him.

“Still, they do seem to be friendly and willing” Jesus adds. He’s by Rick side, acting like the leader I know he is. At least, that he could be. “Ezekiel can be a very… eccentric guy, uhm, like ya’ll must know, he is the king, of course-“  

Why did I have to fuck up last night, I don’t know. Seeing him holding that especial gift from his ex-boyfriend – _ex?_ – made me feel like such a fool, I… I just started talking.

That never happened to me before.

And it won’t ever happen again. Ever.

Last night I remembered the reason why I don’t do romance and it’s better to not forget it again.

My eyes fall on Sasha and Maggie that are sitting at the table, close to where Rick stands with Jesus and Michonne at his sides. I can’t have my mind over this petty matter; they need me.

But maybe I could use this trip to fix things with Jesus, at least so we could be... Fuck, I don’t believe I’m going to say this… _friends._ We haven’t talked since and I’ve no idea how things are between us, still...

Still, as I stare directly to Jesus for a few long seconds and he doesn’t even notice I get the feeling that… he’s avoiding eye contact?

Dammit.

“- so we could go around the main road when we get close to the Kingdom, park our vehicles somewhere they can’t be seem and walk the rest of the way… By doing this, we avoid any Savior that might be checking the place, like I said before, we don’t know what their collecting schedule is there. Better to be safe than sorry” Jesus points out with that steady and convincing voice he’s so good at. _Don’t fucking drool-_

“We should go on separate cars, then” Sasha suggests. Rick thinks for a second and nods to her.

“Can you be responsible for getting them ready for us?”

“Yeah, sure”

“Good. Jesus knows the way, so he’ll lead us” Rick looks at Tara, who’s standing by my side, at the end of the room “You take care of supplies, ok? It might take a couple days to get there if something comes up in our way.” She agrees to him.

Wait.

“What’a ‘bout me?” I ask, speaking for the first time in the entire morning. All heads turn in my direction.

“Yeah…” Rick rubs a hand on his face “Actually, you’re staying here, Daryl”

“What?” I move forward “Why?”                                               

“Who knows who we’ll find out there” hands on his hips, Rick looks down at the table “We’re not losing you again, Daryl”

My eyes go to every person on the room and no one seems to disagree. I search for help looking at Jesus, but he averts his gaze from me. That stings.

“Godammit!” exasperated, I move to leave the room. Tara’s hold on my arm stops me.

“They need you here at Hilltop, Daryl” she whispers “Maggie needs you”

Maggie.

I look back at her. She has one hand caressing her little baby bump and she seems tired. Shit.

Breathing deeply through my nose: “…fine”

-

However

Saying is one thing

Doing is another

As I watch they pack from the vigil spot at the gates, I do think of ways of going together without them noticing… However, I choose not to. I respect my family, no matter how mad I’m at their decisions.

Stupid decisions.

I’m no good here and Maggie clearly seems to have everyone in Hilltop wrapped around her finger.

I hear the metal ladder click and screech, and I turn to see who is climbing.

Ah, obviously.

Going back to my watch, I pretend he isn’t there.

Jesus doesn’t care, anyway. He comes up to my side and mimics my position, resting his arms at the top of the metal gate.

“Hey,” he gives me a small nudge “Something is wrong?” he asks as if nothing had happened last night, because he’s fucking Jesus, a saint.

And fuck, I adore this man.

“Nah, ‘m fine” I grunt in instinct. _Way to go, Daryl…_

“You don’t seem so” he quietly retorts.

I let my head fall between my shoulders.

“Yeah, not all fine…” closing my eyes, I wait for his response. When it doesn’t come, I try “I’m sorry for last night… Don’t know what’s got into me”

“It’s alright, Daryl” he soothes “I know you’ve been through a lot of stuff lately. You’re stressed out, that’s all”

I glance at those clear, gentle eyes. So many things to say, how do I start?

I just stare at him, begging in my mind, _please, please, please_

“… sorry” I repeat, filling that little word with all feelings I have and hoping that he would understand.

Jesus half smiles

“It’s fine, don’t worry” a hand comes up to my shoulder, barely touching me over the borrowed clothes “I wish you could be this truthful everyday” he confides.

_Oh, Jesus_

His smile fades and he licks his lips.

“Daryl, I -”

“Let’s go, let’s go, guys!” we both jump at Rick’s voice and look down to see him at the front of the gates, hitting the trunk of one of the cars  “We don’t want to be in the road at night, let’s go!”

Jesus huffs a breath

“Guess that’s my cue” he points a thumb in Rick’s direction. I study him with narrowed eyes “Goodbye, Daryl. Take care” then, just like that, without waiting for a response, he hops off the leader. _Fucking ninja shit_.

I watch the crew leave even more confused than before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos <3  
> Again, sorry for any English mistakes!


	5. Step 5

_This is ridiculous_ , I think as I’m lying on my bed, biting my nails.

Maggie practically shoved me inside the bedroom when she saw me wincing for the third time as I was fixing a stuck window on the trailer.

And, yeah, my shoulder’s been acting up, hurted like a bitch the whole day, still: if I say I can handle it, that’s because I can handle it.

 _Sigh_.

Whatever, I’m not arguing with her, hell no.                            

Maybe it’s the rainy weather that could be the reason why it started hurting all of the sudden. Well, it doesn’t really matter. It’s not like I’m going to the doc to have it checked up. Going there and risk meeting Mr. Punch You In The Face? No, I might lose my mind if I see him again and then everyone will know about what happened.

Knock knock.

_“Daryl? Can I come in?”_

“It’s your place, of course you can” Maggie opens the door but stays there. She’s holding some folded towels.

“It’s ours” she corrects, shaking her head “Anyway, just wanted to tell you there’s dinner on the fridge, some hot water left on the shower if you want to. I’ll be staying at Miranda’s tonight”

“Why? I can sleep on the-“

“No, Daryl, I want you to rest. Have a peaceful night of sleep, without me waking you up all the time with these… food cravings” she smiles “Besides, she told me she used to be a massage therapist, and my feet could _really_ use a little massaging”

There’s no reason to fight, so I choose to give up.

“Whatever you want, ma’am” I say, wincing as I try to lift myself from the bed.

“ _Nanana_ ” she gets in when she sees my reaction and gently pushes me back to bed “You’re staying right there”  a finger is pointing to my face “You’ll stay in this bed and rest, okay?”

“But I’m fine-“ she pushes my head against the pillow

“You. Rest.” Maggie orders, dead serious.

I let out a breath, defeated

“Ok, fine, fine”

That seems to convince her. Wishing me goodnight, she leaves. I listen to her footsteps and wait patiently for the sound of the front door opening…

_Click._

And closing.

With a grimace, I push myself up. Being quiet and alone is not a good combination for me these days.

Need to keep my mind busy.

I wander around the room, looking for something to do. There’s nothing here but blank walls, a simple single bed, an old dresser and an improvised bedside table made of a crate. It’s a nice room, tough. Real cozy.

The kitchen/living room is in the same style, a little cramped with all the furniture, but still. A nice little place. _Hm._

It could use some airing. There are only two tiny windows in the place (and one is cramped up).

Checking around me just to make sure I’m really alone, I pull my shirt off. _Ah shit, forgot the shoulder._

I sit down on a chair that’s behind me, taking a minute to recover myself.  _Fuck, I might have no alternative but go to the doctor-_

_What’s that?_

At the top of the kitchen cabinet, standing there all by itself, is a bottle of wine.

 _You’ve got to be kidding me_ , I smirk to myself.

-

Well

Or I’m weaker than I thought

Or this wine is stronger than it looks

The fact is I have not even finished the bottle and I’m already tripping over myself, as I pace around the room.

The good thing is, the shoulder pain is gone. 

“Amen to that” I take another swig at the bottle.

Fuck Alex. Fuck his gift to Jesus.

Paul is too much of a nice person for him.

Paul. _Chuckle._

“Paul” I say it out loud, my tongue feeling ten times bigger. It sounds off. Jesus suits him better, after all.

I drink another big gulp. It feels so amazing, my chest warmed by the alcohol, muscles relaxed and this pleasant feeling of not having a single worry in the world.

I mean, what was all that fuss about? Now it seems something so insignificant...

_Bottoms up now._

Swallowing all that’s left in one go, I lean back against the wall. I can enjoy being tipsy for a while, can’t I?

 Some wine slips from my drunken mouth, dripping off my chin...

I look down to follow the single burgundy colored drop traveling down my chest, my ribs… It feels cold.

And provocative.

Fuck.

I can’t help the lazy, horny feeling that hits me.

The hand that’s not holding the bottle comes up to rest over my stomach, my thumb wiping the drop off. A shaky breath leaves my lips.

_Shit, it’s been a while…_

Whatever I’m thinking about doing it’s brought to an end as a rush of nausea strikes me. I barely have time to place the bottle down before sprinting to the bathroom, throwing myself over the toilet and spilling everything out.

Wow. I must be really weak…

_Fucking hell, this is awful._

Alright, I think it’s over.

_No, fuck-_

It’s not.

Puking until everything is off my system, my throat _burns_ and I’m sweating cold.

_Heh, guess that’s what you get for messing with other people’s stuff._

 Slowly, to make sure it’s finally done, I get up from the floor. My head doesn’t spin and I take that as a good sign. Flushing down the toilet, I move to the sink.

The cold water grounds me back, relieving the bad taste on my mouth.

It feels so nice, I do it a couple times, gargling away the remains of the wine and splashing water over my face.

Hands on both sides of the sink, I lean into it. Okay, I think I’m fine now. _Inhale._

Something calls my attention as I’m looking down. Here, under the sink, at the top of the laundry basket, there’s a white crumpled shirt and – my fingers reach for it – with blood stains on it?

_No way._

Though, that makes sense since Jesus wine was also here.

I’m not meaning to, I swear, but-

I grab the shirt.

I’m just going to look at it, okay?

_Hm_

There are some dry stains on the center, that’s all. It’s not like I ruined it or anything…

_Sniff_

Is this…?

I move the collar close to my nose. _Sniff_.

It smells like Jesus.

It smells like Jesus a lot.

My fingers caress the fabric. Maybe it’s because his hair is always touching his shoulder like this, _here_.

It smells sweet and wild. _Thump_.

“… watcha ya’ doing to me, Paul” hesitantly, I press the shirt against my body and, oh, yes, this feels good. _We_ stand like this in the bathroom for a few moments

Eyes closed, hands holding and rubbing the soft perfumed shirt on me, it’s almost like Jesus himself is here. 

I bury my face at collar of it and thank god for being alone tonight.

The tightness on my jeans tells me it’s time to take this to the bedroom.

_It’s only a shirt. No one will ever know._

I lock the door after getting in, just to make sure.

Warily, I remove my shoes and lay down on the bed, shirt still pressed against my skin. Facing the ceiling, my mind wonders for a second if this is a good idea….

_“I guess it never came up, did it?”_

I remember his plump pink lips while saying this to me. The little smirk he always gives me.

God, I want to bite it and taste it so badly.

My hands clutch the fabric between my fingers as I let my mind run free.

If he was here right now…

My toes curl on the sheets and my eyes close at the arousal.

If he was here, watching me like this, I bet he would want me.

I drunkenly grin.

Yeah, he would.

My right hand guides the stained shirt down my body, the brush of the silky fabric against my bare torso giving me goosebumps.

Fucking hell, this is wonderful.

A tremulous gasp escapes my lips. In the quietness of the room it sounds exaggeratedly loud, making my ears and neck burn with shame. 

My hand is still moving down, passing my hips, reaching my pants… My fingers sprawl over the tent on my jeans, covering it with the end of the shirt, while my other hand holds it against my heart. I squeeze the fabric on my hard on – oh, fuck!

My back arches off the mattress and my breath comes out in short pants.

_It’s Jesus shirt._

Legs spread out; I keep torturing myself with the damned clothing.

He’d looked so hot wearing it, I remember it, so fucking hot. Just thinking that this was over his skin, hugging his body, _oh my god_ –

I let go of it to open my pants, pulling my dick out. I hiss under my breath, oh, yeees, so much better.

Turning myself to one side, I pump it a couple times, the pre-come already leaking from the tip. Like I said _, it’s been a while._

If I keep going I’ll be over pretty soon and I don’t want it to be, _hell no_ , so I stop, trying to catch my breath.  My eyes slowly blink open again. Through heavy lids, I contemplate the white shirt flushed against my skin, and my hard dick, lying heavy over it. Fuck, this shit is so sexy…

I force my eyes to open up again and watch as I play with the hem of the shirt on my sensitive member. Such a lewd action, my eyes close on their own accord and my nose buries down on the fabric as I go back to stroking myself.

“ah, Jesus” my body curves inwards, on fire. I muffle the sounds that I can’t hold back by pressing my face on the bed. This position puts the shirt under me, and my hips start moving, long, slow movements at first, like testing the waters, but after a few seconds I’m fucking into my hand in the earnest.

_Jesus, if you were here-_

My rhythm starts faltering and I’m drooling on the pillow, though the alcohol makes me shameless and all I can’t think about is holding Jesus down on this bed and

God, his naked body-

I paint pictures in my head, fantasizing in a way that causes my balls tighten.

_His fucking shirt is right here…_

“Fuck!” I cry when the orgasm hits me. My hips don’t stop moving, yet. Eyes shut, I keep riding it out, not wanting for it to be over because I know this ain’t happening again.

Shit, what’ve I done?

Heart still racing on my chest, I dare a peek at the shirt…

It’s covered in cum.

-

The next two days I pass by shoving my problems away.

And let’s not mention _that_ ever again. It was stupid, wrong and the only one to blame is the alcohol.

Let’s pretend it never happened.

I’m making the rounds this afternoon, checking the stables and shit. _If they only knew of my previous plans, they wouldn’t choose me for this task._

I think the reason I’m being charged with tasks like this is because they want me to stay away. I’ve asked Maggie about it, she said I might have been a little _grumpy_ these past days.

Then she tried talking to me about PSTD or something, like I’m in need of help.

I can handle shit on my own very well, mind you. Don’t need anyone telling _me_ about _my_ feelings.

So what if I’m grumpy? I am allowed to, goddammit!

I believe they are doing right by sending me off like this to do tedious tasks. Being all by myself it’s the only way to assure that nothing bad will happen to someone I care about.

“Oh man, thought you’ve given up on the cow thing” that familiar compelling voice says at the stable’s entry. I turn so quickly my head spins.

Illuminated by a streak of sunlight, Jesus is there. Arms crossed, beanie on.

He’s smirking at me.

_Thump thump thump thump_

“Since when I give up a good fight?” I retort, voice scratchy. My lips twitch and before I can process, I’m smiling at him.

Jesus smirk wavers for a second before he speaks again.

“Oh, now look at that” he teases, face beaming. The more I try, the more my face doesn’t seem to obey me, so I look at my feet, lips still stretched out in a smile. He steps inside, coming closer “You feel better, then?” a hushed question.

I glance up. _Well, yes, I do_. I think to myself

“ _Now that you’re here_ ”

Jesus smirks turns into a full mouth grin-

Oh, shit

_Shit shit shit_

I said it out loud. Shit.

“Gotta get… get the… get the rations for, uhm” I try to come up with something. It’s failing miserably and Jesus is still smiling at me and it feels like the fucking sun just walked in-

I storm out of there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
> how about that, hm?  
> sorry for the English mistakes!


	6. Step 6

_I finish signing the papers. Handing it across the table back to the chief, I get a “why you doing this?” look from him._

_“He’s free to go?” let’s just get this over it. The chief deputy studies me for a moment, disappointment growing on his face._

_“Yes” he shakes his head “Yes, he’s free” taking his glasses off, he leans over the table “But kid, listen-“_

_“I would like to take him. Now” keeping my chin up, I tell him off. Got no time for this old man’s bullshit. He clicks his tongue, distasteful. I wait in silence as he files the papers. He doesn’t look at me when he gets up. Gesturing for me to follow, he walks out of the stuffy, musty smelling office._

_Down the hall there are two small cells. The flickering light tenses me up, and when I see the crouched figure in one of them, my heart jumps._

_“He’s there” the chief indicates, letting me pass him. I look back to see if he’s coming, but he’s already leaved._

_Apprehensively, I approach the cell._

_He’s sitting on the floor, arms crossed on his knees, head hiding on his chest. All that’s visible is his messy bright blonde hair. His petite frame seems so lost in this place… my throat tightens._

_I stop and reach for the cell bars._

_“Jacks” I call him softly by the nickname. Red rimmed eyes dart up at me._

_“Daryl..!” he’s stunned for a second, but soon he’s scrambling to get up, coming to me “I’m sorry, they won’t let me out, don’t tell my dad, please, I’m so sorry-“  hands nervously moving, he begs at me._

_“Enough, enough” I signal him to shut up “C’mon, I’m taking you home”_

_He shakes his head_

_“No, I can’t-“_

_“I bailed you out” I admit, holding his gaze. His baby blue eyes blink at me, not understanding._

_“Daryl…” he gulps, guilty “Oh, man…-“_

_“It’s all good, let’s go” I look back to the hall:  “Officer!” the fucking cell is still locked._

_I turn again to study the boy’s face, checking for any injures._

_He doesn’t seem to be hurt._

_“You shouldn’t have done that-“_

_“Jacks, **please** ” that’s something I don’t usually say, and Jacks know that, so he falls on a surprised silence. _

_It’s past midnight when we leave the police station. My truck is waiting for us in the parking lot and we get in without a word._

_“I could drive, if you want to” he awkwardly suggests, only to break the ice. I know how he hates the silence. I grunt something that was supposed to mean “hell no”. “I’m almost sixteen, Daryl” he rolls his eyes._

_“Almost” I punctuate._

_He huffs a breath and we get quiet again. My eyes focus on the road._

_Jackson starts squirming at my side._

_“Besides,” I begin, noticing his discomfort “after today I have all the reasons to tell you I’m the responsible one” both hands on the steering wheel, I watch him by the corner of my eyes._

_He throws his head back._

_“Ah, shit” a hand runs over his hair “I’m so sorry… Ya’ shouldn’t have paid, I -”_

_“It’s alright”_

_“No, it’s not! I know for how long you’ve been saving’ for yer bike-“_

_“It’s not a big deal” distressed, I scratch the stubble on my chin “If your parents find out, that would be a big deal” I make a turn on the left “Couldn’t let that happen”_

_He half smiles._

_“Thanks, Daryl” relaxed, he pats my knee. My thigh muscles tense at the touch. I clear my throat._

_“You cold?” Jack coyly nods “There’s a blanket somewhere in here, check behind your seat”_

_Only wearing a t-shirt, he gladly wraps the old, worn blanket over his slim shoulders._

_“How did ya’ find out?”_

_“What ya’ mean?” despite paying attention to the road, I can still sense his eyes on me. A turn to the right and we’re out of the main road. Jacks **tsks**. _

_“’Bout the jail”_

_I shrug_

_“Heard it at bar… Some guys talking ‘bout how a pretty boy got his ass kicked for not payin’ a bet he lost. Thought: hm, that sounds like Jackson”_

_Jacks snorts._

_“They didn’t kick my ass, fuck no” I turn to look at him “Just… just shoved me around for a little bit” he admits, snuggling into the blanket “I was caught by the cops ‘cause I beat them up good” proudly, he brags. I raise my eyebrows at that, eyeing the dirt path in front of the car._

_“Oh, really?”_

_“I’m telling the truth!” irritated, he turns to watch the window “What were ya’ doing at the bar, anyway?”_

_“Looking for work” we are almost at Jacks’ house by now. Shit, there’s no lighting in this area. I adjust the headlights for this darkness._

_Then I notice Jack hasn’t said anything._

_“What?” he gives me **that** look “I wasn’t drinking, I swear. I told you I’m done with that shit-“ _

_“Oh, really?” he mocks me, making a ridiculous grave and hoarse voice._

_I huff out a breath._

_“You know, Jackson, just ‘cause you haven’t hit puberty yet that doesn’t give ya’ the power-” putting up my best mature impersonation, I receive a playful shove._

_“Oh, you shut it!” he chuckles. My heart swells at the sound._

_One of his hands comes to turn on the radio, but I slap it before it can turn it on._

_“Don’t even think about it” I warn him, still, he tries to reach it again “My god, I fuckin’ wasted all my money on getting you out and this is how you thank me?” I keep slapping it until he gives up. He sighs, putting his hand back under the blanket._

_I might be annoyed, but I’m glad to see that he doesn’t have that cry face anymore._

_“Why did you do it?” he asks, unexpectedly._

_“Don’t know, but I’m already regretting it…” clearly dodging the question. Jacks doesn’t let it slide._

_“I mean for real, Daryl”_

_Goddammit._

_My fingers clutch on the wheel._

_“… I care ‘bout it, you know” thankfully, we reach the entrance of his parents’ house. I stop the truck before entering, knowing Jacks parents wouldn’t like seeing me around, especially at this time. I cut the engine and turn to face the boy. He peels of the blanket, shyly looking down._

_“And why ya’ care?” his voice is small “Why do ya’ hang out wi’ me? You’re nineteen, why ya’… I mean… What ‘s that ya’ care?”_

_His lovely golden curls framing his rosy cheeks are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen._

_He’s the most sensible and kindest person I’ve ever seen._

_He’s a sweet boy, but with a short temper that amuses me so much._

_And_

_Most important,_

_He cares about me too._

_“Gosh, why ya’ looking at me like that?” he giggles, averting his gaze. Shit, was I staring? “When you look at me like that, as if -“ he pauses and a deep blush creeps on his face. His smile fades and mine appears._

_“As if what?” seductively (I hope so), I whisper. Jackson looks up…_

_… and pecks me on the lips._

_“I really like you, Daryl” he breathes next to my mouth before jumping out of the car and running to his house. All I can do is stay there, speechless._

 

 

That’s a nice memory, I think to myself.

One of the few.

My pretty boy left to New York not much longer after that. I wasn’t upset. He was a bright kid with a bright future ahead of him…

That was before, of course.

Sometimes, when I can’t sleep, I wonder what happened to him. Is he even still alive?

“God bless ya’, Jacks”

“Come again?” holy shit!-

Fucking Jesus!

Lying here at the trunk of this tree with my eyes closed, arms crossed behind my head, slightly dozing off, I didn’t even see him coming. Startled, I sit up.

“Godammit, whatcha’ ya’ doing here?” I rub the sore shoulder that I so suddenly moved. Jesus, without an invitation, sits by my side, folding his legs under him.

Who am I kidding; he doesn’t fucking need an invitation.

And before you ask, yes, things got back to the way they were before.

“Looked for you inside, didn’t find you, figured you would be here…” nonchalantly, he picks a particularly flawless leaf of the ground and twists it on his fingers.

“I’m not even that far from Hilltop, so don’t start-“ Jesus side eyes me.

“Hey,” he smirks “I’m not telling if you don’t” and winks.

I swallow dry.

Well… at least that’s one less thing to worry about. I breathe out through my nose, still calming from the scare. The slight breeze that’s blowing rustles the leaves of the trees on top of us.

“Daryl…” he’s examining the dead leaf on his hand, distracted.

“ _Hm_?” I lean back on my hands. This actually feels nice; Jesus is not even rambling that much, for a change…

“… did you drink my wine?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed it!   
> Sorry for the English mistakes :P


	7. Step 7

_“…. did you drink my wine?”_

It’s fucking humiliating.

God, why did I have to drink the wine?

It seemed like a good idea then,

Now I’m sitting here like a child who will be given a lecture for doing something wrong.

Jesus must have taken my silence as a “yes”. I stiffly watch the movements of my chest, waiting for the blow.

“… Seriously?” he sounds strangely delighted. Slowly and cautiously, I lift my chin up.

Oh god, why?

He’s studying me with gleaming eyes, head tilted to one side.

I look the other way.

A couple heartbeats of silence pass and Jesus snorts.

“You’re an asshole” he emphasizes each word while changing his position. For a moment, my heart drops with regret. Seeing Jesus movement, I fear that he’s going to leave.

Maybe, after all, he and Alex are still a thing. Jesus said he would talk to him, work things out, though the subject has never been brought up again…

I mean, have I reached the wrong conclusion? In my mind “ _working things out_ ” meant “ _putting an end to it_ ”

Still, Jesus never said that himself…

I’m such an idiot!

The long haired ninja doesn’t leave, despite that. He starts pacing around, hands on his lower back, eyes on the ground.

I sit up, meaning to say something… instead I end up bowing my head. Hands on my lap, cracking my knuckles to make things less awkward, I can’t come up with anything.

I’m too embarrassed to say a word, but in my head, I swear to myself not to get in the way of these two anymore. _Should’ve known from the start…_

Well, if I had any chance of Jesus taking a like of me, it’s all over now. He’s probably thinking how childish and selfish I am…

‘Cause that’s what I’ve proven to be, right?

_Fuck me._

Can’t do one thing right.

“We’ve succeed in our meeting with the Kingdom” Jesus, the expert on dropping the subject to avoid conflicts, comments. He pauses his pacing to roll a rounded rock under his foot.

I squeeze my left fist inside my right hand.

_Crack._

Fuck, he’s not even looking at me.

“That means… we’ll be doing it soon” he kicks the small rock upwards “The attack is almost completely planned” he huffs a laugh and goes back to rolling the small object under his foot.

_Crack. Crack._

Why can’t

Why can’t he just… like me? _– stop thinking about it_

“To be honest, I don’t think it can’t be planned. The possibilities of what can happen when we get there… it’s really unpredictable…”

My eyes fill up with tears.

_It’s over now_

_Crack._

“I have to say, though. Your crew is not afraid of anything… It doesn’t matter how dangerous-“

_Sob._

Jesus immediately turns at me.

“Daryl?” his eyes widen “You’re crying?” incredulous, he steps closer, but pauses before reaching me “Oh…”

Fucking hell!!!

I lower my head even more, trying to hide it from him. He can’t see me acting like this; it will only make him think even less of me.

Harshly wiping the tears away, I try to finish this conversation.

“ ‘m not” the cracking voice says the opposite.

_Shit_

Jesus, with his face twisted in concern, makes up his mind and closes the distance between us.

“Daryl…” he crouches in front of me. Can’t look up at him. _Sniff_ “Daryl, it’s alright…”

The air on my lungs vanishes when I feel his hand touch my shoulder. I blink through the blurriness on my vision, to face him behind my bangs. Pained empathy is all I can see. His other hand comes up to pat the side of my head, thumb almost brushing on my cheek.

“You can be mad at me later… But I’ll hug you right now, okay?” he announces and doesn’t wait for an answer.

Long, warm arms encircle my torso. His chest is pressed against mine and one knee is clumsily pushed on my hipbone. He decides to rest his head on my shoulder.

It’s… weird.

I thought that, after finding out what I did, Jesus would’ve had enough of me. He’s supposed to be pissed off.

“Your family will be alright, okay?” his hands gently stroke my back “I didn’t mean to worry you… They can take care of anything, you know that…”

Oh

_Oh_

I see

_My dear, sweet Jesus_

I lunge forward, my own body finally taking action to hug him back. He gasps, surprised at my sudden grip on the back of his jacket. Even so, he still buries his face on my shirt. We sway for a few seconds, trying to recover the balance.

This is a completely new thing for me. It’s like my heart has grown too big for my chest and it wants to crawl out by my throat… It’s shocking, scary…

Yet, so _so_ good.

Much better than what I’ve imagined.

Nuzzling into Jesus hair, I feel no restraints as I inhale the unique aroma.

And he responds

_Oh, yeah_ , he does

By deliciously sighing next to my ear. I don’t think he even notices he did that.

_God, this is going to be the ruin of me._

I squeeze him tightly on my arms. His hands stopped caressing, now they just hold on to me.

How much time has passed? 

I couldn’t care less

My right hand snakes up to hold the back of Jesus head, my fingers burying into the smooth, impossibly silky hair. The muscles on my arms start shaking from the tension and I’m pretty sure Jesus can hear my heartbeat from this position, yet

_I couldn’t care less_

Jesus is here, on my arms.

_Just like I’ve fantasized that day._

An icy drop hits the top of my head.

And another,

Then another.

In less than three seconds, a heavy rain starts pouring on us.

For me, it’s like someone caught us. The sudden shock sends a rush of adrenaline on my body, making me jump up quickly. Jesus follows the action, and all I can register is the corner of his mouth quirking up before he grabs me by the forearm and sprints back to Hilltop, dragging me along.

We run as if we were silly kids.

I don’t recall when was the last time I felt this… free.

Jesus laughs madly when we get out of the protection of the trees and the cold – _freezing_ – water hits us like buckets of it were being poured from the sky. I’m completely drenched, but I can’t hold back the grin on my face at this change of scenario. It’s fun, I have to admit.

Shit, I’m wheezing and smiling like a fool right now.

Jesus wet fingers keep slipping from my soaked shirt, because of this he often stops and turns to see where I’m at, a huge smile spread on his face, and proceeds to grab me again, so we can go back to running. _Together_.

Of course, the moment I notice this I start doing it on purpose. Pulling my arm free from his grip, just to watch him turn and come back.

_What’s going on with me_

“Daryl!” he chuckles “C’mon, don’t be like that!” and we’re off again.

There’s a slight pang on my chest as I think of what might have been interrupted by the rain… though, the chilly water did help to lighten the tension on my pants before Jesus could notice.

How can a smart guy like him be so clueless?

Fuck, let’s stop thinking about this. Let’s not ruin the moment.

“Sasha? Maggie?” he calls out when he opens the trailer door.

Wait, we’re already here? Oh, shit

It’s over then, right?

_Thump thump thump_

I didn’t even see the moment Jesus dropped my hand…

Slowly getting in, not wanting for our little _thing_ to be over, I close the door behind me. The heavy sounds of the rain are immediately muffled and all I’m left with is the gloomy thoughts on my head.

“It sounds like they’re not here…” Jesus comes out of the bathroom, drying his hair with a worn out green towel. I notice he removed his boots. Yeah, I should’ve done that too. Now water is polling around me.

Jesus sits on one of the wooden chairs at the table and I copy his action at the other side of the room, slumping down on the small sofa of the “living room”. I make sure to only sit on the edge, though, so I won’t soak it.

_How can Jesus be so clueless?_

Although…

Maybe he knows already.

Maybe he has noticed my feelings towards him. Maybe he just… doesn’t feel the same.

Hell, that sounds about right. Because, obviously, a nice guy like Jesus would never confront me and tell me there’s no way of… of…

_Whatever_

I told myself I won’t keep going with this.

At least, I’ve known for a long time what is like to be alone. I can handle it damn well.

I’m taking that memory with me, however.

Jesus holding me like that, God…

Having him in my arms

Oh yeah, that’s a nice memory. _I’ll keep it with me, I promise you, Jesus_.

Shit.

That really happened.

I actually sniffed him like a fucking dog

I held him here, on my chest.

We were _this_ close-

A small laugh from Jesus brings me back to reality.

“We are such idiots…” he’s drying his shoulders over his drenched jacket. That goofy smile is still on. _Good._

I’m too stunned about what happened out there to do anything, so I just watch him.

Once he’s finished, he notices I haven’t moved at all.

“C’mon now, you’ll catch a cold like this” he sternly says “Go get dry”

“I’m fine” I answer, but it was just an automatic thing to say. I receive a dirty look from him.

“Yeah, but you won’t be if you don’t dry” what, he’s getting up…? Oh please no, Jesus, I’ve run enough risks for today, please – well, fuck.

Jesus approaches me and before I can do anything there’s a towel covering my vision. He gently ruffles my hair with it.

“Need to take care of yourself, Daryl…” he remarks from above me “You may not know, but you’re very important for those people… And I don’t mean on a _they’re counting on you_ way, no… I mean it in a _they really love you_ way…” I grunt something at that. “I’m serious” he removes the towel and the first thing I see on my line of sight is his hips. _Gulp._

I look up and I’m greeted with two round and kind eyes looking down at me. _Thumpthumpthump._

My hands reach for his jeanss. I place one on each side of his hips, right above his belt. Glancing upwards to check his reaction... Okay, that doesn’t help much, can’t tell what he’s feeling.

_Sorry, Jesus_

_I can’t let this go._

Pulling him closer, I hide the side of my face on his stomach. Surprisingly, his hands are quick to tangle themselves on my hair, keeping me there.

“… Daryl” his throaty voice gives me a bit of hope. Fuck it, I have to risk it, otherwise I’ll spend my life thinking what could’ve been…

Alright, my mind is set now.

I push myself up and take hold of Jesus face in my hands. He has his eyes squinted and a puzzled expression, but when recognition dawns on him, there is a slight change in the way his lips are parted…

 Fast, before my courage vanishes, I press my lips on his. _Oh, please, tell me I’m doing this right._

Soon, a pair of hands is clinging to my wet shirt. It makes me shiver and at that my mouth parts open, wanting to taste him right now –

The hands on my chest push me away.

No

_No, no, no_

_Please, don’t –_

Jesus looks at me confused as fuck. I stare at the open palms on my chest.

“Daryl-“

“Shouldn’t have done that” backing away, the sting of the refusal makes me want to run and hide forever “Sorry”

“Daryl!” he clutches at me, perplexed. Keeping my gaze lowered, I stop, my hands awkwardly hanging on my sides.  Jesus keeps holding me, and I simply know what he’s going to say, I also know I can’t deal with it-

Is this what a heartbreak feels like?

“ ‘m sorry” I repeat.  It’s all I can say to him.

“Don’t… don’t be” he murmurs, stepping closer. Pushing my chin up, he forces me to look at him “No need to be sorry”

“I forced myself on you, I shouldn’t –  shouldn’t” why he has his eyes closed? I think he’s coming closer, but -

Jesus pecks me on the lips. It’s quick and light, but surely, it happened.

Now it’s my turn to be dumbfounded.

So that means…

There’s still a chance…

_Oh, man_

It’s funny how this small gesture of reciprocation lights up my hopes again, making me forget the ache on my chest from seconds ago.

“I thought you didn’t want it” I need to make it clear. God, I won’t stand it if Jesus is doing this out of pity.

“What? I could’ve never imagined you…” he presses his forehead on mine “Of course I want it, Daryl… It’s just that… I never thought it could happen” breathless, he finishes against my lips and I might go crazy if don’t kiss this man right now.

So I do it. My hands fly up to his neck and waist while he encircles my shoulders with his arms. Our drenched clothes pressed together make little _squish_ sounds, I register on the back of my mind.

My mind is filled with more important stuff in the moment, though.

Like Jesus devouring tongue. His velvety lips are so fucking kissable and when his beard starts scratching on my face my knees get wobbly. I dug my fingers into his clothes to keep a hold of myself.

“I wanted it so bad, Daryl… so bad” he confesses over my mouth, using a tone I’ve never heard before. I groan in response.

_Can’t believe this is actually happening_

Better make the best of it

So I hold him tighter, sucking his lower lip and pulling him closer, _closer._

Jesus gasps on my mouth and goes back to kissing me even hungrier than before.

_He’ll be the ruin of me-_

The screech of the trailer door being opened makes us jump and part away in light speed.

_Think, Daryl, think_

I reach for the towel on the sofa and pretend to be drying my hair –which also helps to hide the blush on my face that _I just know_ it’s there. Though, the heavy breathing and racing heart can’t be hidden.

It’s Maggie.

She doesn’t seem to notice what was just happening – or if she does, at least she doesn’t say anything - and moves on with her business.

“Daryl, the lunch is read…Oh, here you are, Jesus! I was going to ask you… did you take your shirt back? Tara just brought some detergent from Alexandria, and I told you it was no problem for me to clean it-“

_Oh, fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (◕ω◕✿)  
> I guess it's time for some steamy smut, don't you think?  
> Sorry for the English mistakes! <3


	8. Step 8

“Yeah, of course I’m coming!” Carl interjects, pleading with his eyes at Rick. The clatter of the silver cutlery hitting the porcelain plates stops as people from all around the table wait for Rick’s response, ready to back him up when he says no.

Rick, after pondering for a few seconds, surprisingly answers:

“… fine” and goes back to eating his dinner. Everyone eyes him in disbelief. I mean, if it was me, I would let Carl come along too; he’s a young man after all, but for Rick to do that? Now that’s something new.

Even Carl seems shocked.

“… really?”

“Yes, you heard me” Rick keeps digging on his food, not looking at Carl.

“Dad!” he exclaims excited and claps his father – who’s sitting at his side - on the shoulder, smiling from ear to ear. Rick can’t hide the pleased expression on his face at his son excitement even as he tries to. It’s been a while since I saw Carl in any mood that wasn’t angry too.

“Better not try anything stupid out there, kid” I warn him, a warm feeling on my chest. Carl looks at me from the other side of the table.

“Yeah, alright” he nods, quickly going back to chat about his own ideas for our approach of the Sanctuary.

_Damn, they grow fast…_

A pat on my thigh alarms me, but when I glance at my side to see who that is, I find a half smile and admiring greenish eyes. 

Jesus hand under the table starts rubbing circular patterns close to my knee while he stares deeply, right into my fucking soul, like he can see through me… I avert my gaze from the burning sensation he’s causing.  Who he thinks he is to embarrass me like this in front of my family?

But he doesn’t stop.

Feeling my neck heat up with shame, I put my hand over his to stop the movement. Though, I can’t help pushing it against my skin one last time. I look back at Jesus, narrowed eyes and mean face.

“ _Don’t_ ” I mouth the word, grabbing his hand to reinforce what I’m saying.

“ _What?_ ” he mouths back, raising one eyebrow and smirking. We just stare at each other for a couple of seconds, and I gotta tell you, this new… whatever it is that is happening… it feels real nice…

That’s all I can think before, in a sudden movement, he escapes my grip and entwines his fingers on mine.  The soft, hugging fingers feel like a shock on my rough, calloused skin.

I chuckle, not able to hold back the surprise. Immediately after, I try to hide my face, looking down at my lap…

But that only gives me a view of our secretly enlaced hands resting under the table. Pulling my hand free, I discreetly elbow Jesus on the ribs while pretending to scratch the back of my neck.

Now it’s Jesus that can’t hold his laugh, before reaching for a napkin to hide his smile.

Where were we?

Yeah, dinner.  At the asshole Gregory mansion.

Okay, let’s get back to it –

“Glad to see you two are getting along well” Rick’s voice makes both of our heads shot up at the sound.

He’s watching us, hands clasped together over his plate and oh god,

For how long he’s been watching?

He couldn’t possibly have seen anything, right?

_Right?_

Fuck, he looks so serious.

“Uhm, yeah, turns out it was just a bad first impression, that’s all” Jesus comes to my rescue when he realizes I’m not going to say anything. Rick snorts at that.

“Good” he approves “Good to know”

“By the way, you guys never really told us how you met Jesus…” Michonne starts.

“Yeah, you just said he stole a truck and got knocked out… something like that?” Enid pipes in and all at the once, the attention is brought to us. Great.

Fucking great.

Jesus gives a small laugh

“Well…” he crosses his arms “Something like that”

I keep staring at Rick, begging in my head that he hasn’t noticed, unconsciously drifting away from Jesus as he explains what happened that day we met – of course, exaggerating in a lot of aspects. Why does he have to be so freaking charming?

It seems to amuse everyone that’s on the table. My eyes dart at him when a wave of laughter hits my ears.

“So Rick… Rick, ha… Rick hits the brakes and _boom_ , I’m thrown, ha ” he holds his belly, tears falling from his crinkled eyes, voice tight from restraint “and I’m thrown out of… I can’t, I can’t-” Jesus bursts out in laughter.

_Godammit, don’t you dare laugh, Daryl._

My eyes go back to Rick, who’s watching the whole situation with a soft expression. Shit, he noticed?  I wipe my sweaty palms on the overused jeans.

Did he?

We make visual contact for half a second before he breaks way, grin spreading on his face as Jesus finishes the story, earning a rush of laughter across the table.

The room seems to be getting smaller, and maybe even spinning a little-

_Did he?_

“Daryl? Hello?” Jesus sings, waving a hand in front of me. I blink at him “You here?”

The night is full of stars but as if that wasn’t enough the incandescent lights of the front of the trailer were also on _. Talk about feeling vulnerable…_

Jesus fixes his hair behind one ear and shyly puts his hands in his pockets, pretending to clean his shoes on the grass.

“Uhm, you know, I just thought that maybe…” he shrugs, still looking down “Maybe… since Maggie is not staying here… I could - I mean, we could… that is, if you want to, obviously… I could… maybe… stay here, just… uhm, you know” he changes his weight from one leg to the other.

“… what?” Is he-

Oh

_Oh_

_… damn._

He actually saying what I think he’s saying?

_Oh, dear lord_

“I said-“

“No” it’s the first thing that comes up to my mind.

_Shit_

That was the wrong thing to say.

Jesus looks up, surprised and… Hurt? Oh, no…

But he’s quick to change that.

“Uh… Okay” he nods “Just forget about it, then… I thought… Well, never mind-“

“… ‘ya seen the way Rick was lookin’ at us?”

“What do you mean?”

I shake my head in disbelief.

“He knows, Jesus, I could feel it in the way he was looking at me- ”

“Knows what, Daryl?”

“ – now he’ll tell everyone ‘bout it, he’ll make it a big fucking deal, he’ll call a… a family meeting or some shit like-” I stop, pressing both hands on my face. God, why _why why_

“Daryl, what are you-” Jesus comes closer to comfort me, but I dodge his reaching arms.

“Don’t” I grunt, hands still covering my face. He sighs.

“Please, talk to me…” he keeps his distance, though. Hell, my chest is so tight I can barely breathe “You think Rick saw… there’s no way, Daryl. He didn’t see anything, I assure you. There was nothing to see”

I shake my head, denying.

“C’mon, you gotta trust the one with the ninja instincts in here” he jokes “I don’t mean to brag, but I’ve been told I’m very good at reading people… Rick doesn’t know anything, no one does. Not even Maggie, who almost caught us -yeah, you know”

Fuck. _Breathe, dammit_!

I run my hands through my hair and dare to look at Jesus, who has a frown on his face.

“They…. They don’t know about you?” he asks cautiously. _Stop treating me like this_.

“Watcha ya’ think, dumbass?” I mumble, turning around to sit on the steps of the door.

Jesus snorts and doesn’t get the clue to leave me alone ~~one part of me is happy that he doesn’t~~ , sitting right by my side.

“How come?” god, stop talking! I need to think.

There might be a small possibility of this all being just in my head, I’ll admit. Maybe Rick didn’t get it, ‘cause he didn’t see anything, right?

How could he see anything? Even if he did, the first conclusion he would jump to wouldn’t be… wouldn’t be…

But, shit, it’s Rick! The guy was a cop, and you know what they say about cops… If he didn’t see anything, at least he _sensed_ it.

What if he didn’t?

If he didn’t… then… Jesus asking to spend the night… oh, my god-

Oh, god.

The two possibilities are completely different, yes, but both are equally frightening.

“…fuck” I bury my face in my hands, feeling them slightly tremble. What am I supposed to do? I’ve never dealt with this kind of situation before – I’ve never planned to-

“Daryl…” one of Jesus hand comes to rest soothingly over one of my shoulders. I flinch, despite the fluttering on my stomach.

“…if someone sees us” I try to justify, voice small, ‘cause the last thing I want is to upset my caring Jesus. Still, he needs to understand. _Don’t think he can, tough…He take things too lightly._

 “No one will see anything; everyone’s is probably asleep by now” he whispers, hand stroking my back “Is this what troubles you? That people may find out?” 

“They already did-“

“No, Daryl, they didn’t” he cuts me off, pressing closer. I risk peeking at him through my fingers “At least, not today, they didn’t…” I hold back as long as I can, but Jesus words do end up calming a little the dizziness of anxiety. Shit, I shouldn’t let myself go like this…

“They have no idea I’m… They don’t know, Jesus” I confide, and I hope he gets why is a big deal. Jesus seems surprised by the change in my posture, hand stopping in the middle of my back. He scoots closer.

“Alright, it’s okay” he shushes me, nose caressing my cheek. This time, I don’t flinch away. The silence of the night makes things feel sort of… surreal.

And, fuck, I just need this.

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to… But how come they don’t know it yet? You guys seem really close… How have you been hiding it all this time?”

“Why do you care?” I mumble, but Jesus just smiles against my cheek _. He takes thing too lightly._

“ ‘Cause I do”

“…. ain’t hiding shit- never…” I cross my arms and kick my legs out, distressed. Or embarrassed, I don’t even know anymore. Jesus moves back to watch my face, his hand going back to caressing me over the black sleeveless shirt that he himself borrowed me.  I shake my head, fixing my hair as an excuse to not look at him while I say that: “Never been with someone… since this whole thing started” right, that makes it look like I’ve been with someone before, so it’s less embarrassing.

Jesus hand comes up to the back of my neck, still giving me some distance. I make a note on the back of my mind to ask him if he was ever into some counseling or psychiatry stuff when I have the chance.

“Ah, I see…” he encourages me in a murmur “ So you’re afraid of what they’ll say or… think when they find out? – _If_ they find out?” he’s quick to correct, but my heart races a bit at his first choice of words.

“Yeah, I ‘suppose” shrugging, I risk another look at Jesus serene eyes.

“Of they judging you?” he suggests.

“No, not like that… they wouldn’t-“

“Of they treating you differently, then?”

“… I don’t think they’d-“

“Then what the fuck you’re scared of?” he finishes with a coy smile. _Thump thump thump._

I blink at him before turning my face on the contrary direction. It doesn’t matter, because Jesus slung his arm over my shoulders and pulls me close.  I try to fight it for no reason, but when the warmth of his chest hits me and that fucking smell… One of my hands clumsily comes up to his heart, not really sure of how to place it. So I just keep it there, only the tips of my fingers touching his shirt.

The bastard places a kiss on the top of my head.

“Don’t want you to be afraid…” he confesses in a whisper.

“ ’m not” my cheeks feel on fire and why am I’m whispering back?!

“Ok, now you’re just lying to my face” I’m about to answer back, but he stops me “Alright, if you’re not afraid, I’m gonna ask you one more time, and if you say no, I’ll leave you alone and give up the subject… Can I spend the night with you?” he asks to my hair.

_Fucking. Hell._

Well, of course I want to! I wish it was that simple!

I don’t

I don’t even-

Don’t you play a fool on me; you know damn well what I’m talking about

I don’t know how to fucking do it, okay? Never been in anyone’s bed before.

Jesus would think I am idiot, I’m sure he’s expecting some –

“Jesus” I plea in a broken whisper. Realizing he may take that as a no, I grab tightly the front of his shirt and hide my face on his chest, the shame of proximity suddenly disappearing when facing bigger matters. For once in your life, talk, for fuck’s sake! “I don’t… I don’t know” hey, give me some credit, that’s better than nothing.

“Oh, we don’t- I mean” he presses me close “This is nice, right? We can just stay like this, if that’s okay with you… I only want to be by your side right now, in any way you want it” he seem to be expecting for an answer, so I nod, trying not to freak out and run “You…” Jesus clears his throat “You like the kissing, right?” he asks in secret

_Hell yeah_

“Daryl, I need you to say it” he demands exasperated.

“Ye- yeah” it was so low I don’t know if he’s heard me. Shit. I shut my eyes and wait for… whatever is coming. Anticipation sucks.

“Then, we could do that too, if you want…” he breathes out soundly “or… anything you want to, I would love to do whatever you feel like doing” he insinuates next to my neck.

Feel like doing a bunch of shit now that you mentioned.

I look up at him for the first time since this conversation started, really looking at him, fingers still loosely holding him by the shirt. His sweet, honest, waiting eyes…

“… ya’ smooth motherfucker”

-

 “No shit” I can’t believe it. A smile is tugging the corner of my lips as I watch Jesus sitting on the bed, in front of me.

“Yes, it’s true” he laughs and pulls his legs up to bed, kicking his shoes off.

“You were a college psychologist?” Jesus nods, bracing his knees.  “Well, that explains a lot” I rest my back against the metal headboard, contemplating. Jesus tilts his head to one side, smile still on.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“The way you talk to people” I shrug, crossing my arms. His moral compass, his carefulness, the way he can ways clear things up with an outsider perspective… but he doesn’t need to know I thought about it. Not now.

“Hm” he seems to think for a second “You pay attention to the way I talk to people?”

“Yeah, I guess you’re like… a _natural leader_ ” I say mockingly.

“Oh, Daryl! Have you just complimented me?” he fakes surprise, smirking like the devil.

“What? No-“ damn, the guy knows how to turn tables.

“C’mon now, you just did!” flipping his hair to one side, Jesus teases. _Gulp_.

“wha…” my voice falters. He takes advantage of the moment to come closer, practically crawling on the bed until he reaches my side. He stops, biting his lower lip, eyes studying me. _Fuck you, Jesus._

Why do you have to do this to me?

I can’t handle the intensity of the gaze. Eyes darting everywhere, I angryly ask: “jus’ kiss me already”

“Sorry, what was that?” he raises one eyebrow-

And I yank him by the collar of the pale gray shirt, firmly pressing my lips on his.

Fucking finally

Jesus hands scramble on the mattress, trying to find purchase, taken by surprise.

“…talk about ninja instincts now” I broke the contact to mutter against his lips.

Jesus is quick to take action, though. Letting his body fall against mine, one leg pressed between my thighs, hands trying to reach for my face, my sides… Good to know I’m not the only desperate in here. I grab the hem of his shirt.

“Daryl, Daryl” he stops, holding my face “You sure?” he breathly asks, eyes huge with lust.

I respond by yanking it upwards. Jesus shimmies his way out of it and it ends up thrown at the floor.  My hands finally – _finally_ – touch that precious skin of his abdomen. It’s lean and muscular at the same time. Firm. I squeeze at his sides and look up at him, who’s watching me through half lidded eyes. Jesus places his hair behind ear, not breaking eye contact

“Go on, baby” _Fuck_

My dick painfully throbs – hey, don’t judge me. I’ve never been called “baby” before.

“Show me what you want” he continues with that low, sexy voice, that’s completely intentional… I make all the effort in the world to not buck up my hips against him.

My rough fingers keep tracing that smooth, perfect skin. Feeling emboldened by the goosebumps on his skin, I move my hands to his belt. Shit, my heart feels like is gonna explode.

I open it, fingers brushing slightly over the bulge on Jesus jeans. Oh.

I look up  at him, afraid I did something wrong, only to see him biting back a moan, eyes closed.

“Fuck” I let out, shakily, going back to action. Need to focus.

It doesn’t help that my hands are shaking like leafs, making the whole thing a lot harder and awkward. Jesus senses my struggle and comes to rescue, opening his jeans and climbing off of me just to remove them, giving me a perfect view of his fine ass while he does it.

He’s quick to come back, moving to his previous position, pulling my shirt up, urging me to take it off between kisses. If I wasn’t so hard and aching, I would’ve probably protested, but I’m too far gone now.

So I let him remove it, and I can’t hold the gasp of shock that escapes me when his hands touch my chest, pressing me down on the bed. He pushes my head down, exposing my neck and takes no time before attacking it. My arms automatically enlace his body, in the middle of the frenzy I barely register his other hand working my jeans open.

Jesus sucks and kisses, working the sensitive skin and turning me into a panting mess. It feels so fucking amazing, like nothing I’ve felt before. His tongue tasting my skin, the scratch of his beard against neck. But it’s when he scrapes his teeth against a tender spot that I really lose it.

“Jesus!” I cry before I can hold back, my nails digging into his back, cock twitching inside my jeans.

“Feels good, darling?” he teases against my ear and nibbles the ear lobe, making me sigh “But don’t call me Jesus when we’re like this…”

“What should I call you?” I huskily ask, searching for his face in the middle of all the arousal “Paul?” i can feel him tremble on my arms

“Fuck yeah” he growls, grinding down on my body.

“Paul” I repeat and godamn, that’s the sexiest name I’ve ever heard “Let me feel you”, I ask after feeling a quick pressure of what must be his hard on against mine. And he complies, showing me that he’s just as excited as I am, the only thing keeping us apart it’s his boxers and my jeans.

I buckle my hips, trying to get more of him when he starts moving away.

“Oh baby, you’re so shameless” he jokes, pushing my jeans and my underwear down together, letting the pressure be relieved.

“Come here, you little shit” I lace my fingers on his hair and push him back up to kiss me, hearing for the first a clear and loud moan leave his lips.

My head feels fuzzy.

 When he falls to kiss me again, the velvety skin past his navel is pressed against my hard and aching dick, giving my hands life of their own as they move down to grab him by the hips and push him harder on me.

“Daryl” Jesus groans, splaying his legs to get a better angle. I take advantage to slide my hands further down, grabbing a handful of his ass and squeezing it “ _Nngh_ – fuck, Daryl!”

“Yeah-” breathless, I keep pushing him on me, eager to get some friction of his hot dick against mine “Paul, please” breathless, I buck up, needy as hell. His right hand goes to the pillow to support himself, head tilted to one side so his hair doesn’t get in the way, while his left one snakes down to- ohhh “Yesss” I hiss between my teeth, eyes rolling backwards.

“Shit, Daryl-“ he grunts, testing a few pumps, smearing the pre come over the head with his thumb, making me squirm – and, holy shit! Is this what I’ve been missing this whole time?

It’s unbelievable.

Shit.

My mouth curves into a smile, a laugh comes out together with my gasps. Jesus eyes glint up at me, full of meaning. I bite my lip, trying to stop grinning like an idiot. He smiles down at me, watching me as he jerks me, giving a special flick of his wrist that wipes that smile off my face. A very improper sound can be heard in the room and- was it me? Christ

I look at him, blushing with wide eyes.  Fuck, I need to do something, gotta do something…

My hands leave his back, bending my knees to give him some support. Alright, let’s see… What –oh, shit, Jesus still pumping me – what should I do for him? What I want to do-?

Pushing the front of his boxers down, I let his erection spring free…

Damn

I get a hold of it, feeling my balls tighten at the sight. It’s different than anything I’ve ever felt, but fuck, there’s no time for analyzing, this might be the hottest thing I’ve ever seen

My fingers wrapped around the girth, feeling it pulse and twitch. I glance up, searching for some guidance

“… you cheeky bastard” he accuses with a smirk, voice hoarse from lust. He picks up his pace on my dick, and I try to copy his movements on his. A sharp intake of breath and I can sense the small, controlled movements of his hips on my hand. Shit, it’s too much.

I search for his mouth, sloppily kissing it just for the sake of having him close. A slight tug on the tender skin of my erection sends a wave of pleasure down my spine

“Paul” I warn him, the name still sounding foreigner and exciting on my tongue. He doesn’t slow down, on the contrary, that only makes him jerk me faster. I try to keep the same pace on him, but I’m getting so caught up in the sensations it’s hard to rationalize “Paul!” I gasp, almost on the edge.

“C’mon, baby” he grunts

That’s all I need. My body convulses under his touch, hips stuttering, mouth agape as the orgasm hits me. Shit, I came all over Jesus hand – who’s still pumping me, by the way. The overstimulation only adds to the best orgasm I’ve ever had.

Jesus lays on top of me, removing my hand from his still hard dick, gently placing a feather like kiss on my forehead. Accepting that my inexperienced hand won’t satisfy him properly, I give up and hug his torso with both arms. He softly smiles at me, eyeing intently my sweaty complexion and dazed eyes. Using a part of the sheets to clean us before laying his head on my chest, nuzzling closer. He sighs contently and damn, I think I’m luckiest man in the whole world right now.

So I hold him tight, inhaling his sweet and wild scent, that now is sensual and dirty. I would like to tell him something, tell him about the overwhelming sensation on my chest, but I’m afraid a single movement would ruin this precious moment. I hide my face on his hair, one hand caressing his cheek

This is perfect.

Though, Jesus neglected member is still hard, poking my thigh.

“You want me to’ “ I grumble, vacantly gesturing to his body.

“Hm…? Oh, sorry” he puts some space between our bodies. No.

I hold his upper arm.

“I meant, do you want me to finish?”  glancing at his eyes,  I can see that Jesus is not sure about what to say or do.

“Just… just let me kiss you, okay?” he decides, coming closer again. I know I’m not that skilled but there’s a part on me begging to ask him to show me, to teach me.

 “If that’s all you want…” I accept, falling back on the pillow, letting him take the lead.

And he does, ohh, he does.

It’s only some kisses and cuddles at first, all real sweet and romantic and not at all a situation I’ve ever thought I would be. Fuck, it’s nice.

But things escalate quickly, of course, given that every little thing Jesus does puts me on edge and he seems to take advantage of that, teasing the hell out of me.

“… _huff_ … up for another round, oldman?” he intentionally – _intentionally_ – presses his erection against my already semi hard cock, making my fingers bury on his hair to get some balance. I pull him away from my neck; the fucking vampire is going to leave hickeys all over the place.

He places his hands on my chest, smugly smirking.

“Stay still, ‘kay” he demands, fingers exploring the skin of my abdomen, pausing to brush over my nipples, down to my navel… I’m so concentrated on his hands, lower lip pressed between my teeth, I don’t even notice his head following the movements.

Until his head is mere inches away from my now fully awake member. And I have a pretty good idea of what’s coming next…

Of course, that’s not enough to prepare me for the feeling of his mouth wrapping around the tip of my dick, but I don’t think nothing in the world could’ve prepared me for that.

“Shit _shit_ – fuck!” I cry, my hands flying back to his hair, trying to gain some control. My eyes snap shut of their own accord. He intercalates between placing wet kisses on it and slightly sucking the head, making me melt on the bed. “Paul…” moaning, I keep the pressure on his when a particular lick hits the right spot. He drags his tongue over the slit and my legs spasm.

“You’re so hot like this, baby” he stops to say, fingers caressing my hipbones before swallowing me down, making the dirtiest, sexiest sounds my ears ever heard. It’s too much; my eyes are on the verge of tears “Fuck, Daryl, I need you” I look down at Jesus at this words, startled by the intensity of them “Need you so much” he’s gets up on his knees, freeing himself of the boxers, giving me a sight to behold, and bows down on me, both hands holding my face “Need to feel you in me, please, baby” he mutters, eyelashes brushing my cheeks. One hand snakes down back to my dick “Please, please” eager, he tugs me gently a couple times, while I’m still processing the information

Shit, it doesn’t sound bad.

Moving by instinct, I change our positions, putting Jesus under me and moving to attack his neck, same way he did to me.

“Fuck, Daryl!” surprised, he throws his head back “Fuck me, darlin’, I need it- ah-“ he pulls his legs up and I stop my administrations to watch.

And oh, lord

I might die right now.

Jesus takes two of his fingers to his mouth, sucking them for a few seconds and then… shit, and then…

My chest heaves with arousal as I pay attention to what he’s doing, preparing himself, I suppose.

His concentrated features slowly fade away to a more relaxed expression, as his fingers work inside him. He peeks at me.

“… gotta get it ready first… you’re quite big, aren’t you, baby?” corner of his lips quirking up, he’s still moving his fingers in and out. I grunt in response, all my attention focused on his dick and they it’s laying heavily on his belly.  Jesus removes his fingers slowly. “Come here… yeah, stay there, a little lower” he guides me by the hips between his legs. Hair falling over my face, I watch Jesus opened and waiting for me, my heart swelling on my chest-

“Tell me if it hurts” I tell in a throaty voice and lower myself on him, feeling the blunt head of my dick touch his entrance. Jesus takes a sharp breath. I get up on my hands so I can see his pleased, soft expression while I test the movements. Applying some pressure, I push the tip inside of him, carefully watching his reactions. His hands move up to my back, nails dugging in my skin.

“Don’t stop” he orders with a broken voice. I obey “Daryl!” it’s only halfway in and it’s already so fucking hard to push further, I feel like I could come at any moment

“Shit, you’re tight” I grunt, trying not to hurt him – but it’s not easy when Jesus keeps circling his hips, pushing against me. He moans loudly when I change the angle to have a better hold of his body.

“Just fuck me already” he says between moans.

“Fuck, Paul, it’s so good” I start moving, not able to hold back any longer. It’s slow and erratic, but soon we found a rythim – him pushing his ass up against my dick when I  push down on him – and things starting getting really… animalistic. The bed creaks are louder than the sounds we’re making and I hope for everything that’s sacred that we’d locked the door “Paul, it’s so… it’s so good”

“Ah! There- don’t stop, there-“ shit, and I thought it couldn’t get any hotter than this. But now Paul is a writhing mess beneath me; all I can do is go harder, harder, harder-

When he comes, it’s the pulsing of his walls against my dick that makes me hit the climax once again.

_Paul._

-

It’s the light of the sun creeping through the window that wakes me up, not his hand caressing my naked back.

_Oh, fuck._

I can clearly make out the pattern of the scars he’s tracing…

“Oh my, your heart is racing” he comments amused in a quiet whisper from above me. I hold him back, not moving from my position on his chest “Good morning, sunshine”

“… that’s really corny” I mutter against his skin.

“Did you have a nightmare?” ignoring me, he proceeds to ask me. I shake my head but don’t deepen the subject. If he’s going to pretend he didn’t see nothing wrong with me, then I might as well.

Jesus – Paul – starts humming a song to himself. The same song he was singing in the bathroom that other day, I recognize.

I tighten my grip on him.

“Je- Paul?” he probably can see the hesitancy on my groggy voice.

“Hm?” he pauses his song, hands still moving on my back.

“You ever wished you had a friend… someone to settle down… someone that lasted for your whole life?” I close my eyes and hope he doesn’t laugh.

A hand pats my hair.

“I’m here, Daryl”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (yeah, I totally ripped off that scene from Maurice, couldn't help it XD)  
> Sorry for the delay!!! I hope this long ass chapter compensates the wait  
> It was a lot of fun writing this fic, I hope you all enjoyed it!  
> Again, sorry for the English mistakes! It really sucks having a limited vocabulary. At first I thought about writing this fic in my native language, but it didn't feel right, everything seemed a little bit "off". So, I hope it wasn't that bad and that my weird wrinting flow didn't discourage you from reading it, haha <3  
> Thank you so much for the kudos and comments, love you all ;*


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